So Much Grace

I’ve been really blessed with lots of “grace” in my life. My Mamaw Grace, my miracle daughter Grace, her namesake & obviously the abundance of God’s grace.

Yesterday would have been my Mamaw Grace’s birthday. She passed onward when I was 22yrs old & almost 8mnths pregnant with Chase. She was the most definitive mother figure I had all of those yrs. I looked forward to the future with her & how I’d gain wisdom from her as I had my own child; all those awesome grandmotherisms & bonds into womanhood so many cherish. But our time was surprisingly & for me devastatingly cut short.

When she exhaled the last breath from her earthly lungs, I lost in this life, a mother, a best friend, a confident & someone who I had more fun & laughs with than I can pen. She was so much to me, so much more than just a Mamaw.

If you believe scripture, like I do, I know she’s not an angel. She didn’t morph into that upon her passing. Scripture states angels as created beings, not human. If we believe Heaven is a place of no sorrow & tears, I know that she hasn’t been able to visibly see the past 17yrs because if so, she would’ve felt pain as I made painful choices, was dealt blows out of my control, etc. She would’ve grieved, Heaven doesn’t equate that.

I do however believe in the power of the spirit of God who allows His presence to be felt when I remember her. For every time my heart aches for her, how beside herself she’d be to know my babies & Jason. How proud of me she’d be for who God has formed me into- I know in those moments I miss her & I feel peace, I’m not feeling her ghostly presence, I’m feeling the absolute power of God’s love saying: She will know them. She will one day know your goodness & deeds. She’s experiencing the same peace in her soul that you are this very second & that’s how I, the Almighty created you & why I created you in my image.

We who believe God, not in God, but actually believe HIM, share so much more inside than a belief system. We share 1 connection in our souls, that connects us to things that words cannot be attached to explaining to the resistant to believe.

I rest on the promise that one day the feast will be huge, the banquet table will reunite us, so save me a seat Mamaw & if God allows just 1 more time, your fried potatoes & dressing would be a fantastic addition to our years lost on earth. Wish I would’ve appreciated it more when we had those moments I took so greatly for granted.

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